good people really do exist

I decided to get myself an m &m mcflurry on the way home from school today. It was kind of an “in the moment” decision but I thought TGIAT (Thank God It’s Almost Thanksgiving) and wanted to celebrate. The drive thru line was really long but once you’re in one of them, you’re bumper to bumper and there’s no easy way of getting out. I was sad that I would have to wait like 10 minutes just to order a mcflurry while the people around me were probably ordering actual food. When I finally rolled up to the payment window the worker goes “the woman in front of you paid for your mcflurry!” AND  I WAS SO HAPPY. I was so shocked that people actually did such random acts of kindness. That lady was trying to do a nice thing for me, a person she has never met and knows nothing about. It made my day 10000 times better knowing that nice people are out there doing nice things for strangers even though they don’t get anything other than anonymous appreciation from people like me. Next time I go through a drive thru line I will pay for the person who ends up behind me, I hope this chain that lady has started today with me never gets breaks.

Some things I’ve learned/realized since 1998 (so far)

– Trying sushi for the first time wasn’t worth it, it turns out I’m very allergic.

– Sometimes it’s hard to be friends with yourself, but keep trying anyway.

– Your parents won’t be around forever so appreciate them at all times.

– It’s better to regret what you said that one time rather than regret what you DIDN’T say.

– If you know that someone/something is a bad influence then do something about it. You really don’t need that.

– Doing your own thing is totally okay.

– Just go to sleep if you’re having a bad night, you’ll feel a little better when you wake up.

– Books are very important.

– Quality over quantity ALWAYS.

– It’s a good idea to spend time with yourself, being alone is not the same thing as being lonely.

– Ditching the heavy, black eyeliner was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

– Pleasing other people is great and all, but if it means putting yourself last then maybe you should take a step back for a second.

– Don’t ever underestimate the power of karma.

– Time definitely helps.

– Family is FOREVER.

Slumpy

I’m feeling a little slumpy this week. I am trying to blame lots of things. The weather is very ugly, I’ve worked 4 nights in a row, and I often allow myself to give in to really bad moods. I’ll be the first to admit that I definitely influence my own negative days by whining, listening to sad songs, and hanging my head without even trying to make myself feel better. That’s just how I do things. Whenever I fall into these slumps, I don’t feel like doing anything. I don’t feel like talking or eating or leaving my bedroom, I just want to be my myself. I am hoping that it’s just a bad week though and that I’ll be back to normal soon. I was working on Saturday afternoon while feeling slumpy and my manager goes, “You’re always so bubbly, it really puts everyone else here in a better mood.” I couldn’t even believe him at first because I didn’t FEEL bubbly at all that day. I felt tired and annoyed with everything. I didn’t wear my slumpiness on the outside, which is good I guess. I think I just need a long nap. I would say today would be a perfect day for one, but I have to work after school. DrSeuss.png.png

Floaters

Floaters can be very annoying. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, floaters are the people who will randomly appear in and out of your life whenever they feel like it. If it’s someone who once mattered a lot to you, then the whole waiting game of wondering when they’ll send you a text saying “hey” or a snapchat asking you “what’s up” can really drive you insane. Yes, I understand that if I don’t like it I can easily just block their number all together and call it a day, that way I would never have to worry about it again. Blocking someone is much easier said than done, I think a lot of us can agree on that. You go into blocking someone thinking, “Oh yeah, this will show them how much I don’t care. I can’t wait for them to notice that I’ve blocked them.” But the reality of it is that they probably won’t be that affected by it the way you hope they’d be. It’s like you don’t want to talk to them, but at the same time you want them to talk to you. Blocking someone makes it seem like you’re the one with the upper hand, but I think it’s the exact opposite. I think it gives the OTHER person all of the “power” because it’s as if you’re going to extreme measures just to prove that they don’t matter, even though they definitely do. You think you don’t need them and that you just want them to need you. Isn’t that a little twisted? Maybe it all comes from the need to be needed, or at least maybe that’s where it comes from for me. I love feeling like I’m a necessity. Floaters always win when it comes to me. I always end up responding to them.

The Tail of Maggie & Hank (Yes, I meant to spell tail that way)

Once upon a time there was a dog named Maggie. Maggie was a very special pet because she could not see. Even though Maggie couldn’t see anything, she was still as happy as can be.

One day, Maggie’s family came home with a surprise. They got a new dog named Hank! Hank was also a special pet just like Maggie because he did not have a tail. Maggie did not like Hank very much. She didn’t want another dog in the house. She would bark and growl at Hank. Whenever Hank wanted to play, Maggie would say no. Hank was sad because he just wanted to be Maggie’s friend.

As Maggie was walking down the stairs one day, she accidentally tripped! When she fell, Hank ran over to help.

“What happened?” Hank asked.

“I fell down the stairs because I can not see.” Maggie said.

“Well I’m different, just like you. I can’t wag my tail because I don’t have one!” Hank said.

“Thank you for helping me.” said Maggie.

From then on, Maggie was nice to Hank. She knew that she would be sad if someone was not nice to her, so she became Hank’s best friend.

The end

NOVEMBER

How is it really already November? I remember thinking about how badly I wanted this school year to go by… Don’t take it personal guys, I am just really done with being in high school. It has never been my thing. Back in August I was hoping for a fast year but I never thought it was going to go this quickly. There are many reasons for wanting to be finished, one of which being that I am ready to be in college. I see pictures on Instagram of people I know from last year who graduated and are now living it up in college and I want to that to be me. I want to have fun times the way I see them having them. Maybe I’ll miss it when I actually do graduate, but I am thinking that that’s pretty unlikely. Soon enough it’ll be December and then the entire first semester will be over with. Only six more months then we are out of here. My little brother is a freshman this year and I can’t even begin to imagine what that’s like. I don’t think anyone could pay me enough money to relive my four years of high school. Like even if someone offered me $100,000 I would still probably say no. I am probably being a little dramatic though, and I despise my fourth hour class so my current mood from just being there is probably influencing what I’m talking about.

LONIP

“Things I Would Want to Tell My Past Self”

Treat others the way you’d want to be treated.

I’ve always been a really quiet person. Whether it was in school, at birthday parties, or even around my family, it’s just a part of my natural disposition to keep to myself. Because of this, it took me a long time to find a solid group of friends that I felt totally comfortable being around. In second grade, I had not yet discovered that group so I was hanging around a few troublemakers just to make it seem like I was not a complete loner on the playground. The ringleader was a girl named Denver and she was a pretty intimidating seven-year-old. I knew that if I wanted to hang around this crowd, I couldn’t let Denver think I was anything less than a rebel. I made sure to laugh at her jokes, follow her orders, and stay as loyal as possible.

One day at recess, something changed. I guess Denver began to see through my false image of being a misfit and she now wanted proof of my devotion to her squad. She suggested to me that it would be fun to steal Alison Thompson’s diary when she wasn’t looking. Alison had never done anything to me or anyone else that would make her a suitable target of Denver’s. I didn’t at all understand why that seemed like a “fun” idea. When I told Denver that I didn’t want to do that, it quickly went from a suggestion to an order. I was extremely worried about losing my place in this friend group if I didn’t do exactly what Denver said, so I eventually caved and told her I would do it. I had very little time to find the amount of courage I knew it would take to pull something like this off. I spotted Alison sitting on the sidewalk with her diary placed right beside her. I took one last deep breath and made my way towards her. I sat next down next to Alison, trying not to make eye contact. After about five seconds had passed, I snatched the diary and made a run for it. I didn’t waste any time by checking to see if I would find Alison chasing me, I just ran until I got back to Denver. I had this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, it was a feeling I had hardly experienced before. I now know that the feeling was guilt mixed with a lot of regret. Eventually recess came to an end, and it was not long before my teacher sent me to the principal’s office along with Denver. Alison had told on me and a part of me knew that she would. I knew that what I had done was wrong and that Alison didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I wasn’t forced to apologize to Alison, but I did so anyway. I told her that I was so sorry for taking her diary and that I wish I hadn’t done it in the first place. I no longer wanted to be Denver’s friend after that day. I realized that if being your true self isn’t a good enough reason for someone to want to be your friend, then the only real solution is to find better people to surround yourself with.

Siblings are great friends to have.

Over the years, some of the best memories I’ve formed have been with my siblings. I’m a middle child of four, so I get the best of both worlds by having two older sisters and a younger brother. I’ve idolized my sisters for as long as I can remember, but when it comes to my brother things haven’t always been as easy. I don’t know if it was because he stole my spotlight as the youngest child in our family or what, but for a long time I just didn’t particularly like Will. I thought he was annoying and immature. I hated the way he always smelled bad and how he could somehow convince my mom that he was an angel sent straight from heaven. He lived to bother me. He enjoyed watching me get furious at him for the most ridiculous things. However, when he turned fifteen years old everything changed. It was as if someone who looked just like Will swapped lives with him or something. He was no longer this obnoxious, unpleasant creature living across the hall from me. He matured and suddenly became someone I could actually talk to. He quickly became one of my closest friends. We now hangout not because we have to but because we both want to, we cover for each other whenever our parents start acting suspicious of our schemes, and we treat one another with respect the way siblings should. On his first day of high school, he looked at me and asked what he should do if he didn’t make a friend that day. I told him that he shouldn’t even worry about not making a friend that day because he’d still have at least ONE friend he could count on; me.

Doing your own thing is totally fine.

I think it’s safe to say that everyone tries to be something or someone that they’re not during their freshman year of high school. For me, I spent my ninth grade year trying to impress people who I had no real interest in being long term friends with.

I like reading. I’m never not in the middle of reading a book. When I started high school, I had come from a small private school and I didn’t have many friends who were going to Marquette. I didn’t know where I was supposed to fit in or who I was supposed to hang out with. I decided to just go with the flow and figure it out as I went. I found myself in a random group of people who didn’t actually know one another very well. I thought that it was fine and that as long as I had friends, nothing bad would happen. I soon began to feel like my new group of friends were not very similar to myself. I didn’t see very many qualities in them that matched mine. My ideas on right and wrong were different from theirs. I felt like an outcast because I liked to set aside actual time of mine read actual books. They would jokingly mock me for it, except it wasn’t funny to me. It was hurtful that people could really think I was “lame” just because I wasn’t constantly on my cell phone. It took almost the entire year to come to terms with the fact that these were not people I needed in my life. I decided to distance myself from them for a while and see how it would make me feel. It made me feel like myself again. I got back into my old habit of doing things for myself and by myself. There is nothing wrong with being alone, in fact I think being by myself sometimes is the only way I can reenergize myself. Now that I am a little older, I understand how valuable feeling comfortable with being alone actually is and will continue to be throughout my life.