Would a change REALLY do me good, Sheryl Crow?

This is a boring day. This is a boring week. This is a boring month.

I’ve never been a fan on January. To me, it’s dull and apathetic. The holiday hype dies down, the reality of everything you bought and ate the month before hits you painfully hard, and it’s the beginning of a new year. In December, you feel like you’re awesome for having completed another year without losing your sanity (that’s how it goes for me, at least) but then you’re right back to month #1 and you have to restart. Maybe the constant new beginning is a good thing, I don’t know though. Maybe it’s because I hate change more than I hate anything else. Sometimes I find it very unsettling how change itself is the only thing that will ever remain continual in our lives. Things will never stay the same, but change will always continue on. I don’t mind the changes that are made in myself, because they’re usually for the better. What I can’t get over is how things around me change when I want nothing more than for them to stay the way they are. It’s like, “Wait. No. Stop that. I didn’t want that to happen. Undo. Undo. Undo.” I think I’m beginning to ramble. I also think I need some sleep.

SHE FORGAVE AND SHE BECAME

It is a good day when you come to the realization that you don’t need to worry about things you have no reason to be sorry for.

Recently, I have been noticing very small, but still obvious changes in myself. It’s almost as if I went to bed as the same, blindly optimistic girl I have always tended to be and woke up as someone else. Someone who I think is a lot better, in my opinion. I think I unconsciously made it my 2016 resolution to no longer take other people’s shit. I am realizing I just don’t have the time for that anymore! I’ve always been the type to sit around and wait for someone else to call all of the shots or tell me what the next move will be. Why have I never chosen to make those decisions for myself though? I am definitely capable of doing so. I’ll be the first person to say that ex-boyfriends ARE NOT RELEVANT! I had high hopes of rekindling a given up relationship with this guy from last July, but I am coming to realize that he kind of sucks now. Who he was when he left for college is not who he is today, and I say that in the worst way possible. I understand the whole “people change in college” thing, it happens. He will continue sitting in the basement of his frat house doing things I will not mention on my blog, and I will continue being the best thing to happen to him. He had a lot of potential to be great, so I am a little sad for him. But am I sad for me anymore? NO, because I am dunzo with that part of my life. I guess what I am trying to say is that just because something was awesome then, does NOT mean it would still be awesome now. I was clinging to that old flame for dear life, and now that I have let it go I feel so much better. It’s a huge weight off of my shoulders. I never ever thought I would say that.

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.

It’s been a while

Hello, it’s me again. Although I haven’t posted anything on my blog since December, I have continued reading it almost daily because I like knowing about what my peers have been up to even if we aren’t that good of friends. (Is that creepy? I swear I am not a creep.) Anyway, just because me and my blog took a little break from one another, I’ve still been writing in my journal from class everyday. It’s weird because when I was younger, as in elementary school, I always kept a diary and I always updated it with all of my 4th grade drama and secrets. When I took creative writing, I found it hard to write my thoughts down on an actual sheet of paper rather than just keeping them inside my head. I got used to it quickly though, I guess I have all of the diary-keeping years to thank for that. I am back to religiously writing in a journal again (I will call it a journal from now on because “diary” is way too juvenile at this point in my life) and I think it has been a really good thing for me. I am going to try to continue blogging too though. So don’t you worry followers (all 44 of you), I am not going anywhere. You can all finally get some sleep knowing that I am still going to blog, I’m sure my brief absence kept you up at night.